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Dear ____

You already know how much I wanted you. How my earliest memory is of wishing for you, of forcing tears from my eyes for you. You already know how happy I was when you emerged, a boiled lobster, a kidney bean, a part of my before and after. I beat you by a decade, love. By ten years of dreams.

You are a funny bunny, a magician’s trick. A cavorting porpoise, a vacuum cleaner who roars until it is shut down, turned off, made to be, forced to be

Silent

Giggling girl, little one, BE LOVELY. Be lovely and be wise. The tricks we were taught - to be good, true, wholesome, loving. Practice them. Do not give them up for new tricks, no matter how alluring they may seem. Quicksand! Smoke and Mirrors! Beware pornography of purpose. Beware slurps of shallowness. Beware knocks of knowledge.

Most of all, watch out for grudges. Be careful to wring your anger out every day, squeeze it until it drips every drop out.

I can say this because I had a head start, little one. These are the lessons I ran by, the ones I held. The ones I still must learn, the ones I wish for you.

You chew life in earnest. You are a sweet one. Catch up to me. Pass me.

Sincerely yours, love always, dreaming of you

- bethie